“My name is Donald J. Trump, and I have just decided that global trade will now operate under my personal guarantee. You’re welcome.

Some people say geopolitics is complicated. There are treaties, international laws, markets, insurers, and logistics systems. All very cleverly designed by experts. But experts have one problem: they think too small.

Take the Strait of Hormuz. A narrow waterway through which about a fifth of the world’s oil flows. For some, it’s a complex geopolitical chokepoint where Iran, the Gulf states, energy companies, and world powers all stare nervously at one another.

For me, it’s a traffic jam.

So I came up with a simple plan. We just let the United States Navy escort every ship. Tankers, container vessels, and maybe even cruise ships if they have good reviews. Problem solved.

And insurance? Already handled.

I called the United States International Development Finance Corporation. Normally, they finance projects in developing countries, but why think small? Starting today, they’ll ensure global trade. At a very reasonable price, of course. After all, I’m a businessman.

Critics say this can’t work because it’s legally complicated. That Congress might have something to say. That international trade doesn’t function like a valet service at a casino.

But these are the same people who once said you couldn’t build a wall, couldn’t win elections, and couldn’t eat fast food in the White House.

Look, leadership is simple. You take a problem that’s existed for decades, and you say: “I’ve solved it.” Then you wait to see if anyone can prove otherwise.

Until then, the message is clear: energy keeps flowing, ships keep sailing, and global trade keeps moving.

Under my guarantee.

Because, as I always say, if you have the largest economy and the largest military in the world, you might as well become the largest insurance company too.

The policy is ready.”