Salaam aleikum, Salam Sheddi,
Since it was never your intention, as a Muslim living in Europe, to adapt to or integrate into our way of life, I greet you in a language that you not only hear but also understand. You reside here, live here, work here, and benefit from all the social and other advantages Europe has to offer. Europeans welcomed you hospitably and, naively, provided you with every facility to make you feel ‘at home’ among us. Diversity, tolerance, and multiculturalism were, and remain, the message…
Unfortunately, you have rarely made the effort to become a European among Europeans. You have built mosques, numbering in the thousands by now; you send your children to Quran schools; you compel your women to wear veils and headscarves; you stubbornly persist in speaking Arabic or Turkish; you eat and buy halal food in your own restaurants and shops and abstain from beer or wine; you pledge allegiance to Allah rather than to our constitution; you strive for your own religiously inspired legal code (‘Sharia’); and you despise our way of life, regarding us Europeans as decadent and reprehensible.
It is therefore high time, in the spirit of that much-lauded diversity, tolerance, and multiculturalism, to turn the tables. That is why my family and I have decided to move to a Muslim country. We haven't yet settled on which one, as we are busy comparing which country offers the best package of social benefits and facilities.
Naturally, we won't be coming alone. We would love to bring our extended family, children and grandchildren, siblings, parents and grandparents, cousins, along with us. The neighbours and a few friends are interested, too. And the neighbours' neighbours. And their friends. And their friends' friends. Before you know it, half of Europe, armed with a vague sense of entitlement, will be packed and ready on the doorstep of your home country.
Long live diversity, right?
Hospitality is important. You surely understand that we have no intention of becoming Muslim or adapting to the customs and practices of your country, people, culture, and religion. After all, we consider them backward and medieval.
Mosques aren't our thing, so we would like to ask that churches be built in every neighbourhood of every city, as well as in smaller municipalities. Real churches, with bells. Nice, loud bells that can be heard from the village square. Respect for our holidays, Easter, Christmas, etc., is naturally part of the deal, including school holidays and paid time off work.
Halal isn't something we fancy either. You’ll surely understand that. That is why we would like our own shops and food suited to our tastes in your supermarkets and restaurants.
Every supermarket must stock fresh pork! You know: ham, bacon, hamburgers, and sausages—and, of course, a wide selection of alcoholic beverages. The French and Italians prefer wine; the Germans and English prefer beer... but with a little goodwill, that can be managed. Although we are a minority, you surely realise that you will have to adapt to our lifestyle, not the other way around.
Tolerance is the key!
We also like to bring our pets along. Dogs, especially, lots of dogs… We know you consider these animals ‘unclean,’ but surely a little understanding is possible? Expect plenty of happy Labradors and surly German Shepherds, as well as smaller breeds for which you will undoubtedly want to provide dog parks.
Following the example of Kreuzberg, the Schilderswijk, Brixton, Belleville, La Castellane, Molenbeek, Borgerhout, and so many other ‘Little Kabul’ ghetto neighborhoods, rife with drug trafficking, racketeering, crime, and money-laundering front shops in Paris, Antwerp, London, Marseille, Brussels, Hamburg, and Amsterdam; we would certainly be happy, in return for your hospitality, to provide some ‘European-style’ districts in your cities featuring gambling dens, strip clubs, ‘houses of pleasure,’ and other shady bars…
Yes, we love to party: Discos, pubs, restaurants, bars, and nightclubs are our thing. Young people especially love it. Festivals, too, with loud music and plenty of wild, uninhibited fun. Naturally, we enjoy a good glass of beer or wine now and then, but surely that can’t be the problem…
Oh, and barbecues are also totally our thing! The smell of marinated spare ribs and grilled pork skewers- we love it! We party all year round, by the way, not just for some religious occasion like Eid al-Adha or Eid al-Fitr… Please keep that in mind.
Since we’re on the subject anyway, your religious festivals and customs are a bit… over the top. Praying five times a day and all that. Admit it, you could dial it back a bit. Don’t get grumpy now, but surely you understand that we, despite everything, have our own principles too, and we take offence at all those religious symbols and clothing: headscarves, hijabs, chadors, and even burqas- they look like parasols; that’s not for us.
Allah here and Muhammad there… Look, seriously now, in Europe, we respect the separation of church and state! I’m convinced you don’t mean to hurt us, so we’d appreciate it if you could keep all that to a minimum. No more headscarves in public buildings or schools. Neutrality and secularism in the name of diversity.
That sort of thing. I really appreciate any help you can provide.
We would greatly appreciate it if a few modest facilities could be provided, especially for our children. After all, our children should be able to eat the food they are used to in schools and day-care centres. Hamburgers and the occasional piece of pork should be allowed, even on school trips and the like.
We also demand education in our own language, as we have absolutely no intention of teaching our children Arabic. You must admit that is merely a modest request...
Yes, language, that is important... As far as we are concerned, a few words of Arabic or Turkish should suffice. For the rest, we want English, French, German, or another European language. Depending on the minority group settling among you, this is important to appear on shop windows and in official government communications.
Rest assured, you are free to keep speaking Arabic or Turkish, but please include our language for translation purposes. After all, communication is important.
And one more thing: we have rights, too... If any of this is denied, we must be given the chance to protest. So, tweak your legislation a bit. Naturally, you want nothing to do with racism and discrimination.
Set up institutions and courts to guarantee equal opportunities and human rights; appoint plenty of ombudsmen and ombudswomen; designate mediation teams and diversity officers to safeguard our rights; and, finally, be strict and decisive with anyone who holds a different view on the matter! Give intolerance no chance! Racism? Absolutely not!
One more thing: football is our true religion! If our children and young people burn or tear up your flag, set cars on fire, and loot shops because Italy, Germany, or Spain has won a football match, please be understanding. Sorry in advance, but they are ‘youths,’ and haven’t we all been young once?
Finally, a thorny issue. I find it somewhat awkward to bring this up, but spontaneous integration is difficult without funds. A lack of opportunities, adjustment issues, and language or educational deficits- you know the drill! Urgent action is needed here! That is why we, or rather, you, should be especially generous and open-handed.
After all, the economic value we create cannot be expressed in monetary terms. Before long, we will be providing nurses and elderly care workers to look after your parents.
And let us not forget our children, who will eventually graduate as doctors, architects, engineers, and teachers from your tuition-free universities and colleges... But before that happens, and it could take several generations, just one word: SOLIDARITY! So: generous benefits, free housing, and free public transport while we laboriously ‘integrate while preserving our own culture’ over the next six generations. Working is optional for now, but you already knew that.
Thank you in advance for your hospitality and tolerance, things that Islam certainly guarantees.
After all, diversity is our strength, Inshallah.
Shokran jazilan & kind regards,
A reasonable European
PS: If it is hot where you are, really hot, I would like to emphasise that burkinis and the like aren't for us. Too hot! That’s why we prefer freedom and fun on the beach and in the few public pools - do you even have any? - with Speedos for the men and monokinis for the ladies. If need be, we could always arrange separate swimming hours and separate beaches.
Dear Sir,
I read your open letter carefully. I understand that your article is written with irony and sarcasm, and I also understand that you are raising questions about integration, culture, religion and the future of European society.
As a Muslim living in Europe, I would simply like to respond with respect.
First, Islam teaches us that living among people of different backgrounds does not require hatred, isolation or disrespect. The Qur'an says:
> “O mankind, We created you from a male and a female, and made you peoples and tribes so that you may know one another.”
> — Qur'an 49:13
Many Muslims in Europe are not here to conquer, replace or destroy European culture. They are here to live, work, raise their children, contribute to society and practice their faith peacefully, or for some political reasons.
Yes, Muslims should respect the laws of the countries in which they live. We should learn the language, educate our children, work honestly, pay our taxes, respect our neighbours and contribute positively to the communities around us. If a Muslim commits a crime, that person should be held responsible just like anyone else. Islam does not give anyone permission to harm others.
At the same time, integration should not mean that a person must abandon his faith, conscience or identity.
A Muslim can be Belgian, French, Dutch, German or European and still pray five times a day. A woman can choose to wear a headscarf and still be a loyal and productive member of European society. A family can eat halal food without considering people who eat differently to be inferior. We can celebrate our religious holidays while respecting the holidays of our neighbours.
This is not necessarily a rejection of Europe. It is simply the freedom to live according to one's conscience while respecting the rights of others.
You mentioned tolerance several times in your letter. I believe tolerance must work both ways.
Europe should not demand that Muslims abandon everything that makes them Muslim, just as Muslims should not demand that Europeans abandon everything that makes them European.
We can disagree without hating one another.
We can discuss difficult subjects without insulting one another.
We can criticize extremism without treating millions of ordinary Muslims as extremists.
And perhaps most importantly, we can recognize that there are good and bad people in every community. Crime, intolerance, extremism and hypocrisy do not belong to one religion or one ethnicity.
As a Muslim, I am grateful for the safety, opportunities and freedoms that many European countries provide. I believe gratitude should be shown through good character, honest work, respect for the law and contribution to society.
But I also hope that European society can extend the same generosity to Muslims: allow us to be your neighbours without asking us to stop being ourselves.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught Muslims to treat their neighbours well, to be just even toward those with whom they disagree, and to respond to wrongdoing with what is better.
So my answer to this letter is not anger.
It is this:
Let us build a Europe where a Christian can remain Christian, a Muslim can remain Muslim, a Jew can remain Jewish, and a person with no religion can remain without religion — while all of us obey the law, respect one another and live together peacefully.
We do not have to become the same people to become good neighbours.
Respect does not require agreement.
And diversity should not mean that one side must disappear.
With respect and peace,
A Turkish Democratic Muslim living in Europe